Long Time, No Post

well...how do i feel?

i feel numb.

single again...

two events have impacted my life this week. first, my very good friend will be moving in a few weeks. this was an event that was going to happen eventually but the timing hadn't been solidified. two days ago it was, and he will be leaving. the second thing that happened was that the girl i've been seeing told me that she cannot have any feelings for me. so we are no longer together.

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life, it seems, is balancing itself out.
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i wish i could feel this...but every time it starts to come out, my mind forces it away. it's like being stuck in limbo. i think i have become gun shy about having any feelings whatsoever. i wish i could cry or something...just to purge my soul. i haven't really cried for years. it's like an apothecary's den in my head with all the emotions i haven't let myself feel for so long in bottles on shelves. as time goes on i have to keep more and more of it away until i think i will just stop being passionate about anything.

*shrug*

ah well, i've said my peace and am now very tired so I will lay down to sleep...

when i wake the world will make sense