Testing the bounds of sanity

I've never been good at leaving well enough alone.

I just sent off an e-mail with all the things that have been festering in my heart. Part of me hopes that it will never be read, part of me hopes it will be and that it will make things different.

But in the pit of my stomache, where reality dwells, I know it will be read. And that the only effect is going to be that I will drive her away all that much further.

It rattles me sometimes, the futility of it all. I just can't seem to do this right. I start with the best of intentions, but somewhere in the middle I end up screwing it all up. Maybe I open myself up too much, maybe not enough...I don't know.

But for now I think it's time I just gave up on the other half. It has, so far, not been worth the effort.