Flying Blind On a Bicycle Built For Two

Yeah so it's been forever since I last posted...I have been busy, yes. But not so busy that I couldn't do this. Truth of it is that all of the interesting and/or scandalous things that have happened recently have been things I would not post on this blog. Am I being secretive? Maybe. *evil gryn* "The truth shall set you free!" Whoever said this first was a fool. Holding things inside tears you up no doubt. But releasing them on an unsuspecting public can be equally hazardous to your health.

For those who even care for an update on my unnecessarily complex life...here you go.

Hope you have some time...a lot has happened in the last month.

Well, after a rather odd Halloween I had some complicated issues with some friends concerning a misunderstanding. It wasn't the misunderstanding that caused so much trouble as the proliferation of the rumor that resulted from it. I left High School a loooong time ago and I wasn't all that thrilled with the mentality when I was there in the first place. So running into that rumor crap now pissed me off all that much more. But that is past. And things are cool. One thing I can always say for myself is that I always look to the future. Looking back is pointless in my opinion. I've never returned to a job I've left(either by choice or not) and I have never dwelt on a regrettable event. I learn my lesson and move on.

Ok, so I also went to my friend Rob's place in the city for a dinner party he held a couple of weekends ago. I have to say it was one of the best times I have ever spent in the city. Good people, good conversation, and some of the best food I have had in a long time. I tell you, when Rob feels the need to entertain, he wastes no quarter. He served a fantastic meal complete with salads and Pheasant in a really fantastic sauce. I was loathe to end the night and go home to my ersatz life but I had to be up at the ass crack of dawn to drive my mother to work. Anyhow, I hope he throws another party sometime soon.

I also had a near miss in the romantic department. Met a girl who was very interesting and fun to talk to. But she was a little crazy and things just didn't happen. I tell you I am fighting with one hand tied behind my back in a lot of ways when it comes to women these days. In order to generate interest from a woman you must be charismatic, right? Well for me it is almost impossible to be charismatic unless I am in love, so-to-speak. I have to have some real feelings going on at the very least. I have to say that I am quite jaded. I can't really feel much more than sexual desire for women these days. I've been betrayed twice in love and more times than that in friendship. This has left me with little emotional attachment to the female of the species. I have a die hard built in respect for women, don't get me wrong. My mother instilled that in me all my life. But I cannot see the point anymore in trying to fill that void that we all seem to be born with. AND I tell you. It's worse when you KNOW what it feels like to BE in love. You know that saying "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."? That guy was a moron as well. I was quite happy before I fell in love. Now I am miserable as fuck. So there lies my dichotomy. I have that, now re-enforced, yearning to be with a girl. But my past has given me the bitter taste of distrust. I distrust all women. Ok, with the exception of one. But she doesn't count as she has more balls than most guys I know. And even though I trust her with so many things in my life. I have this small voice in my head warning that I cannot trust even HER with my heart. So I stay as neutral as I can. There are days that I truly wish I could just remove all sexual desire and become completely unemotional.