Never enough time...
I found out yesterday that my mother has less than a month to live. I am going to lose the one person in this world that I could always count on. Ever since my first memories she has always been the strongest most indomitable person in the world. And as I am seeing her now it hurts me to see how frail she has become.
She has breast cancer.
But it is no longer in her breast, it got away and has become some rare form of cancer that is nearly impossible to fight. She can't take chemo for it and there are no other drugs able to stop it's progress.
All I can think is "why her, what did she do to deserve this?" and the answer is of course nothing. My mother is the one who taught me respect for life, to not belittle others and to be the best human being I can be. In a nutshell she is my Buddha. She has always been more loving and forgiving than anyone I have ever known and she taught me that it is not my place to judge anyone. Something I have tried to follow in my life. Only with moderate success. But it is the goal I strive for, and the path I follow.
This next month is going to be one of the hardest I have ever endured but endure it I will. I just wish I had more time. And I wish she could be around when I finally become the person she has always seen in me.
3 Comments:
I am shocked and crushed by this news. I am sorry that you must loose someone so important at such a young age. I really am available any time day or night that you might need anything. Even if you call just to yell at me.
Brett
Thanks man, you know I appreciate it. I hadn't had the opportunity to tell you while I was at Denny's last night cause it was awkward, but I did want to let you know. Also, I am still gonna be there Sunday...At least ONE person has to show up for your shindig ;).
I lost my father when I was 18. He had AIDS and it was difficult to see this robust man wither away. However, you have an opportunity to tell your mother how much you love her, and make those last days memorable. She's still here now, living and breathing..be there for her now, don't mourn her already.
Signed, a friend who never stopped caring
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